Chorus: I used to work in Chicago,
In a department store,
I used to work in Chicago,
I don't work there any more.
Version I:
(Take turns leading verses)
A lady came into the hatshop,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Felt," she said,
Felt her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a water-bottle,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Rubber," she said,
Rub her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a sweater,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Jumper," she said,
Jump her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a ticket,
I asked, "Where would you like to go?"
"Bangor," she said,
Bang her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some coffee,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Ground," she said,
Grind her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some gin,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
"Beefeater," she said,
Eat her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a cake,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Layer," she said,
Lay her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A woman came in for some service,
I asked, "How fast do you want it?"
"Quick," she said,
Prick her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some carpet,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Pile," she said,
Shagged her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a diskette,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
"Floppy," she said,
Hard drive her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A woman came in for a bath mat,
I asked "What size would you like?"
"Shower," she said,
Show her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a down quilt,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
"Goose," she said,
Goose her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some lamp oil,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
"Whale," she said,
Sperm her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A woman came in for a power drill,
I asked, "What brand would you like?"
"Black & Decker," she said,
Deck her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a drink,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Liquor," she said,
Lick her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some Air Wick,
I asked, "What scent would you like?"
"Mountain," she said,
Mount her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a sleeper,
I asked, "What berth would you like?"
"Upper," she said,
Up her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some china,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Bone," she said,
Bone her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some dish soap,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Johnson & Johnson," she said,
My Johnson she got,
I don't work there any more.
A woman came in for some wood shoes,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Clog," she said,
Flog her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a curtain,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
"Drape," she said,
Rape her I did,
I don't work there any more.
A man came in for a new coat,
I asked "What kind would you like?"
He said, "Something nice."
He went home with lice.
I don't work there any more.
A man came in for a rental,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"A U-Haul," he said,
Haul his ashes I did,
I don't work there any more.
Version II:
A lady came in for some stockings,
Some stockings from the store,
Stockings she wanted,
A hosing she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some carpet,
Some carpet from the store,
Carpet she wanted,
Laid she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some nails,
Some nails from the store,
Nails she wanted,
Screwed she got,
I don't work there any more.
A man came in for a balloon,
A balloon from the store,
Balloon he wanted,
Blown he got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for some wool,
Some wool from the store,
Wool she wanted,
Felt she got,
I don't work there any more.
A man came in for some carpet,
Some carpet from the store,
Shag he wanted,
Piles he got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for metaphysical conversation,
Metaphysical conversation from the store,
Metaphysical conversation she wanted,
Fucked she got,
I don't work there any more.
A man came in for a lollipop,
A lollipop from the store,
A sucker he wanted,
Sucked he got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for drain cleaner,
Drain cleaner from the store,
Drano she wanted,
Clean pipes she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a pony,
A pony from the store,
Horse she wanted,
Ridden she got,
I don't work there any more.
A man came in for some wheels,
Some wheels from the store,
Wheels he wanted,
Rimmed he got,
I don't work there any more.
A woman came in for a doughnut,
A doughnut from the store,
Glazed she wanted,
Creme-filled she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a throw rug,
A throw rug from the store,
Rug she wanted,
Rug-burned she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a watchspring,
A watchspring from the store,
Watchspring she wanted,
Boinged she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a T-bone,
A T-bone from the store,
T-bone she wanted,
Boneless round she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for toy sailors,
Toy sailors from the store,
Toy sailors she wanted,
Semen she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a canned ham,
Canned ham from the store,
Armour she wanted,
Porked she got,
I don't work there any more.
A woman came in for gift wrapping,
Gift wrapping from the store,
Wrapping she wanted,
A stuffing she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a beefsteak,
Beefsteak from the store,
Chuck she wanted,
Fucked she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a novel,
A novel from the store,
Dickens she wanted,
Dick she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for cigarettes,
Cigarettes from the store,
Camels she wanted,
Humped she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for an iron,
An iron from the store,
Steam she wanted,
Reamed she got,
I don't work there any more.
A widow came in for some sympathy,
Sympathy from the store,
Sympathy she wanted,
Syphilis she got,
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for assistance,
Assistance from the store,
Help she wanted,
AIDS she got,
I don't work there any more.
-bonus exhibitionist verses for harriers and harriettes-
A lady/man came in for some aspirin,
Some aspirin from the store,
Aspirin she/he wanted,
Crack she/he got,
(shoot moon)
I don't work there any more.
A lady/man came in for some film,
Some film from the store,
Color she wanted,
Exposed she got,
(expose dick/tits)
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a computer,
A computer from the store,
Apple she wanted,
My Wang she got,
(expose dick)
I don't work there any more.
A man came in for a pet,
A pet from the store,
A puppy he wanted,
My pussy he got,
(expose same)
I don't work there any more.
A man came in for some deoderant,
Some deoderant from the store,
Right Guard he wanted,
My right tit he got,
(expose same)
I don't work there any more.
A lady (or man) came in for some Wrigley's,
Some Wrigley's from the store,
Gum she (he) wanted,
My bum she got,
(shoot moon)
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for molasses,
Molasses from the store,
Sorghum she wanted,
My scrotum she got,
(expose same)
I don't work there any more.
A man came into Lost & Found,
Lost & Found at the store,
"My package, I left it."
I showed him my left tit,
(expose same)
I don't work there any more.
A lady came in for a video,
A video from the store,
Free Willy she wanted,
Free Willy I did,
(do same)
I don't work there any more.